The Effects of Generational Trauma.

 “Why should I not be sad faced when the city, the place of my father’s sepulchres, lies waste, and its gates are consumed with fire?”

Nehemiah 2:3

Leaving city gates open or not keeping the watchmen on the walls, as I discussed in my blog “How to build a Fort”, is one thing. I was reminded this week of a city lying in ruins, Nehemiah tells us that the enemy, Sanballat asked, “Will they revive the stones out of the heaps of rubbish, seeing they are burned?”

The city of his fathers, his “home town”, was demolished. Now it was burnt heaps of rubbish. Can you relate? I’m not a city planner or architect. You do realise what I’m seeing is the devastation caused in the souls of people. I see the destruction of relationships and the shattering of hearts. Now, can you relate to burnt heaps of rubbish? Oh, I can!

Nehemiah encouraged his people, “Do not be afraid of the enemy, remember the Lord … fight for your brothers, your sons, your daughters, your wives and your homes.” (Nehemiah 4:14) I realise that the burnt heaps of rubbish represented the future of all that they held dear. They took courage, “Everyone worked with one hand and held a weapon with the other hand.“ (Nehemiah 14:17)

They started rebuilding the city wall and their future, in the presence of their enemies, aware that there could be another attack any time. They had more than faith in God. They took courage and with great determination, physical effort, patience and a deep conviction that their Lord was on their side, they started a restorative build of enormous proportions. They were not doing it for themselves, but for the future of generations to come!

The closest I can come to holding a weapon in my hand, is my great grandfather’s sword. It is an impressive piece of work with a history of battle, war, loss, pain and death. If I moved around swinging it, anyone would think twice before contemplating an approach. Fact is that without knowing it, I am walking around armed! And it has far reaching consequences.

We all suffered some kind of trauma in our pasts. Gabor Mate says, “Trauma is not what happened to you; it’s what happens inside you as a result of what happens to you.”

Trauma is a wound leading to emotional and physical responses which are signs of how your body learnt to cope with stressors as a result of the wounding. Trauma responses and Attachment styles are only two of the well-known responses carried over from parent to child. Stretching from the past into the future.

 These responses limit our ability to be fully present and authentic. As such it limits our ability to connect and communicate in a healthy way and to set healthy boundaries. These are only three of many limitations, but they alone can lead to a total onslaught on ourselves, destroying relationships, leading to disconnection, feelings of inadequacy, feeling unlovable, fearing rejection, avoidant behaviour or people pleasing, a fear of commitment, fear of intimacy, hyper-independence or co-dependency, trust issues, controlling behaviour, aggression and much much more.  

I’m just randomly listing these, I didn’t consult any psychological writings to ensure a more complete list. I want to make a point, not lecture you on Trauma responses. To most of you the list would have included a relatable response that affects your relationships. Right? Some of us have lived with Trauma responses without knowing it. Having no idea why our relationships end in self-destruction, pain and devastation. Why wonderful opportunities disappear before we can use them. You have your own examples.

Your responses or lack thereof is part of your heritage, your Generational Trauma. You will notice the patterns that repeat in your family. It may be that your family can’t hold on to their assets or money and there’s regular unemployed. They may suffer from addictions. There may be sexual immorality and unfaithfulness, leading to divorce. There might be health issues related to excessive eating. There may be many over achievers or workaholics in your family. There may be aggression and physical violence. There may even be patterns of dark spiritual practices. These are just a few examples of patterns that immediately come to mind. You will recognise your own.

The heritage of generational trauma as briefly mentioned here in general terms, is the enemy that digs away at our foundations, breaks down gates and opens doors. It is the enemy that can, depending on the circumstances, initiate an assault, storm and invade us, destroying everything we built, leaving only “burnt heaps of rubbish”.    

Now you probably understand why this phrase drew my attention. Do not despair. The history of Nehemiah shows us how courage and faith, can rebuild what was rubbish. I am sure these soldier-builders envisioned a city where there would be music and children laughing. Where hope and the joy of the Lord would once again shine in the eyes of its people. I want to encourage you today, that if we do the work and know what’s our enemy that we need to avoid or fight. If we ask God to show us the way forward, to heal us and to restore broken relationships – He hears and He will.

I have a caveat – In my experience we are our own worst enemy. So look at your own patterns and work on fixing those before you judge anyone. We now know where the patterns come from, but anyone currently alive is not to blame. The origins lie in trauma older than most of the stories we know of our ancestors. Forgiveness and a Growth Mind-set is key. So is plugging into the source of Forgiveness and Grace.

In Nehemiah 4:8-9 he tells us his strategy. He knew the enemy was plotting to fight again, to cause confusion and failure, so he says, “But because of them we made our prayer to our God and set a watch against them day and night.”

I wish you a peaceful week. I pray that you will recognise your patterns and choose to grow and heal. I know that forgiveness is a choice and not a feeling. You start acting and speaking as though you’ve forgiven fully and the Lord does the rest. The actual feeling of forgiveness, freedom from anger and healing comes as you start living it.

Christmas Blessings to you all.

Much Love

Lynette Gerber-Lochenkov

PS: This is an unedited first draft. I wanted to post it sooner rather than later.