A story – rewriting the script and changing the plot.

Last night a friend reminded me of the saying, “Your strongest trait is both your strength and your weakness”. I must have heard it before, knowing how Shakespeare’s Othello demonstrates how his unchecked loyalty and trust leads to his downfall. Last night, this reminder, was a wakeup call. I’ve been told on many occasions, that “my word” is Resilience. I have a history of struggling with paralysis, disability, chronic illness, heart failure, emotional trauma, relocation, losing a job, a house, a husband and more. However I am applauded for getting up more times than falling. For standing up and battling my way through the challenges that “life” threw at me.

 I know my struggle since December 2002 was balance (after my virus induced paralysis), but I’ve struggled with living a balanced life, my entire life! I have an extreme personality – an all or nothing mentality. Last night it clicked! IT WAS THIS PRAISED RESILIENCE THAT PUSHED MY BODY FURTHER THAN IT COULD GO AND LEAD TO EVERY SINGLE FALL! This realisation fills me with a refreshed excitement at how personal growth and self-awareness allow us to look at our strengths, to notice how it can weaken us and then to take steps to mitigate those threats. This is done by taking action to create balance, ensuring we don’t neglect something important, that may cause us harm later.

The last six months I’ve been examining the “balance” in my life. I went as far as creating a chart divided into three sections, dedicated to SPIRIT, SOUL and BODY. I listed my usual activities and the ones I need to get to, but don’t. I added some, “If I do this regularly – I would be more productive/healthy/creative/knowledgeable”. Then I took nine craft pegs and challenged myself to peg three in each section daily. My activities allow for low energy days. I consider myself as being more realistic these days and I also know that if my goals are not achievable, it would discourage me and then I’ll abandon the experiment.

I would get to mid-afternoon and stand in front of my chart on the fridge, contemplating what I need to do to add balance to my day. It is usually something physical! So I would turn up my playlist and dance in the kitchen, while prepping a healthy chia-oats-yogurt cup for breakfast the next day and making tea. Or I would put on my trainers and go for a walk. Or I would be tired and peg, “down time”. A mentally or socially busy day can be exhausting and resting or “down time” is essential for the body to heal and process. That’s why I listed it as an activity benefiting my body.

My best BALANCED-days start with prayer and scripture, a 45 min walk on my treadmill with my playlist blasting at full volume, a shower and eating a chia-oats-yogurt bowl with fruit. If I manage this three times a week, I feel like an achiever! You may very well think, “She’s clearly bored or have too much time on her hands”, and you will be right. However, add to that – health battles and newly received healing, as well as a sense of purpose, spiked with an indescribable urgency and you get to why I’m digging so deep to the roots of “Why we lose our balance” and how to regain what we lost and “Grow Wings”!

A year ago, I lost my resilience. I fell and couldn’t get back up. As a matter of fact, I didn’t want to get up. I knew that any step I took, any decision I made, would lead to the same patterns that’s been repeating throughout my life. I was exhausted. It’s a miracle that after all these decades, I finally saw the patterns and realised that the common denominator was ME!  It was even more surprising that I refused to figure out an action plan, while taking a quick rest. I decided I needed an expert in on the plan, to ensure that any change would take me out of my patterns and grow my wings, which would then allow me to fly in the right direction.

That was the start of changing the narrative of my story, in respect of emotional healing. In the process I discovered how closely linked emotional wellbeing is to physical health, immune system health and energy levels. I became obsessed with studying Health & Wellness. At the same time, being at the receiving end of much grace and forgiveness throughout my life, I turned to God and asked Him to show me what spiritual healing I needed. My knowledge of our identity being Spirit/Soul/ Body-rooted is of longstanding. The importance of alignment and balance between these dimensions, that’s the new growth area.

The last year has been a life changing ride! This is probably one of the biggest understated clichés of my life! My story and the realisation that each and every one of you out there, have a story that you tell and live in certain ways, compels me to keep digging and to encourage and empower you. Some of you, like me, may be – not so happy about the plot or the way the leading character reacts in certain situations. Some of you, like me, are perhaps disappointed at how the main character ends up feeling exhausted all the time, but is also the one who tries to help everyone, as she/he knows what it feels like to need help. “Just trying to do the right thing, the kind thing”, your hero responds, barely holding it together, while no one asks if she/he is all right. Or perhaps your character is not the hero type, but the one in the back ground, trying very hard not to be seen. Always saying she’s fine. Never asking help and making sure she doesn’t inconvenience anyone or appear in need of anything. Or your character may even wear a mask. Not a super hero mask, a mask coloured by what she thinks society/the family or her partner expects of her. A mask indicating that she belongs and is worthy of love and respect.

 Whoever your leading character is, I want you to know that you can change the narrative. Tear up the script and start re-writing it, in a way more suitable to what’s in your heart. More suitable to your specific talents and passions. More in line with the true plot, the reason why you’re here – your purpose.

While I’m digging, you can check in on my notes @on_growing_wings or The Butterfly Project on Facebook. May you discover new ways of looking at your story. May you find the courage to motivate your character to act, respecting personal health and wellness.

By Lynette Gerber-Lochenkov