CROSSING BORDERS

I knew it was time to go. I knew that crossing the border back into my country of origin would be an adjustment. To start with, the temperature differences would be extreme after 3 months and 2 weeks of constant day and night temperatures around 25˚C and the sea about the same. There was an immediate drop of 10˚C when my plane landed and soon afterwards we had single figure days! I was cold all the time. It is now two months later and I am still convinced that my internal thermostat has been permanently damaged!

The weirdest part of arriving home, was stepping into the beauty of our artistically decorated home. My husband’s artworks, collected antique furniture and walls covered with shelves of books and souvenirs from my childhood, our travels and gifts from loved ones. After staying in a tourist apartment decorated in beige and glass and not owning anything, apart from my books lying around – imagine the sensory overload upon stepping into our home. I was walking from room to room like a visitor and had the strange sensation that I had stepped into someone else’s life. I recognised all the beautiful objects, admiring them and half expecting an unseen wall to stop my hand when I reached out to touch them. “What exquisite taste the owner of this collection has”, my heart murmured. My mind would repeat over and over again, “This is yours, you idiot!”

I stopped wandering through the house and sat down to appreciate the celebratory welcome that my husband prepared. Roses, champagne, chocolates, cake and more. The fire was crackling in our fire place and the table was laid in my antique porcelain. The scene must have been cinematographic, from the set of an art house film.

To make my trip home easier we discussed that I would try to stay in my comfortable “bubble” of happy discoveries as long as possible, keeping my head underwater. During my stay on the island I did not watch any TV or news. My simple life was filled with sunshine, walking with the sea next to me, scuba diving, French small talk and a circle of friends who were physically present in my life – my reality was a different life and the harshness of the real world started scaring me long before my return.  We expected that the shock of my “bubble” bursting would have an extreme impact on me emotionally, however we did not expect it to burst as soon as the next morning, with the geyser not working!

I was back in my normal life with things that needed fixing, lists that needed ticking and hours on end without electricity due to the South African load shedding system (as the power grid cannot cope with the demand). Not quite that simple though. My body was going through the motions, but when I took a moment to think, the Mahebourg experience seemed like a dream. Was that me, walking to check in on that familiar looking Lion Mountain that overlooks the blue water of that bay? At the same time I felt that I was functioning in someone else’s life, living in someone else’s home. I was not here nor there! I was somewhere in another dimension, looking down on the lives of others and feeling completely disconnected and cold all the time.

I clearly crossed much more than geographical borders with this trip. I realise now that we have personal borders that we do not even know exist. “Travel and get to know yourself” – In my case an extreme experience in very familiar surroundings. It will take a lot of soul searching to discover how to merge the two people I discovered inside myself. It is not as simple as just stepping over.

By Lynette Gerber-Lochenkov